Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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