I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
