ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
