i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
