yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
