just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
