apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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