4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
