i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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