I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
