I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
