I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
