Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She needs sedatives and a leash
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
