My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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