So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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