We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
