All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
