i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
