Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
