i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
