fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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