does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
