Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
