it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
