Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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