i just had sex bonerless
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
