my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
