I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
