i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
