"it" just moved
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
