He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
