Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
