i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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