last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My balls are so social today.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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