U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
operation have a gay friend backfired
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
