its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize