I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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