thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
