ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
