Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
