Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
