The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
