I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
