Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
