i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
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