I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
