You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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