you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
