If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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