i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
