another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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