Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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