She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
is it fun? or sober?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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