Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
