It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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