On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think my vagina is haunted
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
