ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
