I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
