I'm so fucking centered right now
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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