I want to walk on stilts...naked
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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