not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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