dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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