So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
