All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize