He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
