Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize