I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
