How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize