I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
