when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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