We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She said her name was "party"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
