I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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