If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There r osticjed everywhere
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
