Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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