ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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