so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
