you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize