sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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