you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
