but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
