how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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