my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
