Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
