I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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