____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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